Buck's Prom Night

Buck’s Journal

Prom Night 6:23 pm May 25^th, 1983

I am so stoked to show all those posers at the prom my new cool dance moves. I learned them from Larry that lives under the bridge. He used to be a big time dancer in New York City, before the police forced to move back to Boise.

Larry is such a pure teacher, that he doesn’t even want payment for his classes. All he wants me to do is massage his pet lizard. But I have to keep my eyes closed or the lizard will get scared and bite me.

Some people say that Larry is racist, but that’s impossible! He’s German and I’ve never met a racist German person in my life!

I can’t wait to show Suzy my awesome blue suede suit! She is still doesn’t know that we are going to dance together. It is going to be such a big surprise!

I told Larry that Suzy didn’t want to go to the dance with me so he told me that the best way to a woman’s heart is through dance!

So when she seems me bust out my dance moves at prom, she is going to throw that stupid asshole Biff aside and boogie down with me!

Maybe after the prom we can go to Make-Out Creek and drink a Slush Puppy together. Tee Hee Hee!

11:23 pm May 25^th, 1983

When I started dancing, everybody was shocked. They thought I was the school nerd… well think again! As I flung my thick rimmed glasses into the crowd and did a split, their jaws dropped. Before I knew it, they were holding me up like the dancing champion I was destined to be!

Suzy approached me and asked me to dance.

I refused her and instead asked the Math teacher Mr. Henderson to slow dance with me. Classic hard to get move that Larry taught me. Suzy was flabbergasted.

After Mr. Henderson and I spent 20 minutes grinding our genitals together through our thin dress pants, Suzy could take it no longer. She pulled me aside and tried to kiss me.

I slapped her and spit in her face.

“How dare you!” I screamed and ran away with Mr. Henderson.

I was playing her like a fiddle.

4:23 am May 26^th, 1983

After I spent the night making passionate love to Mr. Henderson, I called Suzy from the pay phone outside our motel room. When Suzy answered, confused and half asleep, I refused to say anything at first. I just breathed heavily into the phone. Right before she hung up, I said something to get her all worked up and hot before she went back to sleep:

“I’m watching you Suzy… and I have a big knife…”

She sure would have naughty dreams about me tonight!

10:23 am May 26^th, 1983

After dreaming about me and my “big knife” I figured out a great way for Suzy to wake up: I would roll out from under her bed with a machete.

This seemed like a foolproof way to get some smooches from Suzy, but wouldn’t you know it, when she woke up and saw me with the knife, she accidentally grabbed the knife from my hand and stabbed me repeatedly in the face.

Here I am in ER and they are saying that I’ll probably never be able to walk again.

They were surprised when I laughed and gave them a high five.

“All part of my master plan!” I screamed.

They seemed confused… until Suzy showed up.

She gave me a big hug and a kiss and said that she would do anything to make it up to me.

“Anything?” I said as I winked at the doctor. I think he sees my long con now.

“How about we go to Make-Out Creek… and drink some Slush Puppies together!”

Everybody laughed. Well except for me. I’ve lost the ability to express emotion in my face.

May 27^th 2050

“And that’s how I turned into Stephen Hawking…”

Is what I said to my only son.

Who is that son you ask?

None other than M. Night.

“Pow! You just got twisted.”

Is what I said to my real son…

Real son?! Who is my real son?

A bag of twizzlers.

Pow! Extra quadruple twisted!