THE SUPER GLORIOUS INTERVIEW
A Screenplay commissioned by the most magnificent and supreme
leader Kim Jung Un
Written by Buck Stone
EXT. NORTH KOREA - DAWN
It was time for morning and so the supreme leader Kim Jung Un
whistles to the Sun.
KIM JUNG UN
Sun, it is time for you to come
out!
SUN
Yes, of course! Thank you for
waking me from my slumber! You are
a great leader and nobody should
ever challenge you!
The sun rises over the horizon and floods the many fields of
plentiful crops with light.
KIM JUNG UN
Birds, it is time for you to sing!
BIRDS
Yes! You are right Supreme Leader!
Without you we would just be lazy
stupid birds!
The birds begin singing merrily.
The great and powerful nation of North Korean begins to wake.
The first to wake is the dutiful little 6 year old girl Sook
Joo.
The beautiful little Sook-Joo walks out of her beautiful
house and walks to her JuJube tree and picks some fruit.
SOOK-JOO
This land is so beautiful and I
always have more than enough to
eat! I live in paradise! Thank you
supreme leader!
KIM JUNG UN
You are welcome my child.
SOOK-JOO
I can't wait until I become your
wife!
Her parents nodded vigorously in agreement. They could think
of no greater honor.
KIM JUNG UN
I cannot wait any longer either
child! Let our wedding be today!
His voice echoed throughout all the lands. The entire nation
cheered as they heard the great news!
ENTIRE NATION
Hooray for our leader! We are so
blessed!
Just then a terrifying shadow crossed the land and blotted
out the sun. A loud bone-cracking sound drowned out the
avian symphony.
It was a giant evil American helicopter machine. The evil
helicopter landed right in front of Sook-Joo. Out jumped two
evil Americans: JAMES FRANCO and SETH ROGEN.
JAMES FRANCO
Muhahaha! I will steal this young
bride and brain wash her with evil
American values!
SETH ROGEN
Sook-Joo, get ready to turn into
Sook-Jew!
Seth Rogan stuffed a giant wad of filthy American capitalist
pig money into Sook-Joo's hand.
ENTIRE NATION
No!!!
The two evil Americans grabbed the innocent Sook-Joo, jumped
on their evil helicopter machine and flew away.
The supremely good and perfect leader chased after them.
But those slimy American scum were clever. As they flew
away, they catapulted UN Nuclear Disarmament officials onto
the leader's compound.
The UN officials began disarming the leader's collection of
Nuclear Peace Missiles.
The leader had a decision to make. Either he could save Sook
Joo or he could save his Nuclear Peace Missiles.
He knew what was the right thing to do and what his nation
wanted him to do: save the missiles.
This just shows how selfless and loving the supreme leader
is. He was willing to sacrifice his beloved wife for the
supreme safety of his nation!
So the fabulous leader jumped at the UN officials and did a
super powerful roundhouse kick! The roundhouse was so
powerful that the UN officials turned into dust!
The Nuclear Peace Missiles were safe, but Sook-Joo was gone.
The supreme leader ran as fast as he could and jumped over
the Pacific Ocean.
EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN
While we was jumping over the ocean, he dunked 1,000
basketballs. This broke Michael Jordan's dunking record. The
supreme leader is now unanimously known to be the best
basketball player of all time!
EXT. LOS ANGELES
The supreme leader landed in Los Angeles.
He used his laser vision to find a clue: Sook-Joo's
footprints led into an evil skyscraper.
The supreme leader stormed inside the giant evil building.
He was attacked by 1,000 guards with machine guns. The
supreme leader punched their bullets. The bullets bounced off
his iron fist and shot back at the guards.
Within seconds, 999 guards were dead. The supreme leader
left one alive for questioning.
KIM JUNG UN
Where is Sook-Jun?!
GUARD
Please don't kill me!
KIM JUNG UN
The supreme leader shows mercy to
those that help him.
GUARD
She is upstairs on the top floor!
The supreme leader snapped the guard's neck. He does not
show mercy to American pigs.
The supreme leader did not take the elevator. He took the
stairs. He always take the stars! Because that's what
leaders do!
When he arrived at the 1,000th floor at the very top of the
evil skyscraper, the supreme leader saw Sook-Joo sitting in a
TV studio. She was surrounded by the villains James Franco
and Seth Rogen.
JAMES FRANCO
Welcome to our evil TV studio!
SETH ROGEN
All we want is an interview with
you. If you don't do the
interview, we kill the girl!
KIM JUNG UN
Okay. I'll do the interview.
Don't worry Fearless Reader! The supreme leader never
negotiates with terrorists. He outsmarts them.
SETH ROGEN
Wonderful! Let us begin!
The TV cameras swiveled around and an evil man screamed
"Action!"
JAMES FRANCO
Welcome all of America, I have an
interview with leader Kim Jung Un.
Mr. Un, did you know that American
newspapers named you the sexiest
man in the world for the 5th
straight year?
KIM JUNG UN
I pay no attention to your
capitalist newspapers!
JAMES FRANCO
How dare you? We need our
newspapers to brainwash the
proletariat and oppress the poor!
KIM JUNG UN
Why don't you feed your people...
JAMES FRANCO
Excuse me?
KIM JUNG UN
Why don't you feed your people...
the truth!?
JAMES FRANCO
What truth?
KIM JUNG UN
The truth that without the supreme
leader you live in hell on earth.
Without the light of the supreme
leader you shall forever live in
the dark!
Just then James Franco's head began to bulge.
JAMES FRANCO
Oh my goodness! What you are
saying is so true! My brain! My
puny capitalist brain! It cannot
handle the truth!
James Franco's head explodes.
SETH ROGEN
Oh no! This super glorious
interview is being broadcast live
all across America. Every single
American is watching! They will not
be able to handle the great and
glorious wisdom of the supreme
leader either!
EVERY SINGLE LAST AMERICAN'S HEAD EXPLODES FROM THE SUPREME
KNOWLEDGE OF THE SUPREME LEADER!
SETH ROGEN (CONT'D)
Oh no! Every single last American's
head has exploded! Now it's time
for every single last Canadian! My
only regret is that I was born
Jewish!
Seth Rogen's head explodes.
Sook-Joo claps her hands joyously.
KIM JUNG UN
Let's go home Sook-Joo
Sook-Joo climbed on the supreme leader's back and he flew
home.
CUE: TRIUMPHANT MUSIC (MAYBE LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT'S SONG ABOUT
HATERS IF WE CAN GET THE RIGHTS; THE SUPREME LEADER HATES
KATY PERRY - BUT HE LOVES HER RIVAL TAYLOR SWIFT)
EXT. NORTH KOREA
The supreme leader returns home in time for his marriage.
The entire nation cheered.
ENTIRE NATION
Yaaaaay!
KIM JUNG UN
Come Sook-Joo, let us get married!
SOOK-JOO
I am very tired. It is alright if
we get married tomorrow?
The supreme leader snaps Sook-Joo's neck.
Moral of the Story: Never challenge the supreme leader.
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