Doomsday Seed Vault Opens up about Dark Past

Svalbard, Norway

The Svalbard Global Seed Vault is situated deep in the Arctic archipelago of Svalbard, Norway. It is notoriously known as the “Doomsday Seed Vault” that was designed to provide seeds in the case of a near apocalyptic scenario.

“The Vault was only supposed to be opened if we were nearing extinction and we needed some seeds and shit,” said Walter McDaniel, a top scientist from the Phoenix University School of Linguistics.

“Now that the Vault has opened up, it wants to start talking about some pretty messed up shit it did in the 60s.” McDaniel continued.

“At first we thought that it was just joking around. Then, when it described exactly where it buried all 18 bodies… we started to get real nervous.” McDaniel whimpered through his tears.

Sure enough police found 17 of those bodies right where the Vault claimed they would be. The 18^th is still missing. When police went to question the Vault, it was missing. Only a twisted letter with cut out magazine letters remained.

“Man, this Vault is a real dick.” Said the police chief in a press conference. “I hope we catch the son of a bitch and lock him away in a vault.”